Everything has changed

So I just found this in my email inbox:

And the first thing that came to my mind was fuck. Sorry for the language. I know I should be happy. I know people who would die for this opportunity. But there was no surge of excitement or joy when I saw this, only an acute feeling of dread. Admittedly I was expecting it, but deep down I was hoping that I would never receive this email.

I have never really been sure of what I want to do in the future, but I know what I want right now. And that is to stay in Singapore and do psychology. I always thought that coming to FASS was just me going with the flow and I never imagined that I would come to have a passion for what I study. It's been a few months into school and I have discovered that I really enjoy it. I like what I'm studying and I find it interesting. I also really love the flexibility that FASS gives in allowing us to take modules outside our major and even outside the faculty. And unlike my JC days I'm not struggling. My midterm scores were above average and I'm not mugging like I did in JC. My biggest fear is being trapped taking subjects that I suck at just for practical reasons. 

I know physio is the practical choice. It will ensure that I can easily find a job in the future. It will give me flexibility (I can open a private practice and work whenever I feel like it). The pay is good. I will probably enjoy my job to an extent. That is what my mother has been telling me for the past year anyway. Over her dead body will she let me turn this offer down, and that's why I feel torn. I have no more energy to fight with her anymore. If there was no pressure from her it would be a load off my mind. I wish I could somehow convince her that having a regular or even low-paying job is not the end of the world, especially if I enjoy it.

And I don't think I am the kind of person who would enjoy being thrown in a foreign and unfamiliar country with no friends. My whole life is in Singapore. The places I love, the people I love. I just can't imagine leaving it behind. I'm tearing even as I type this, how will I cope when I'm alone in Australia feeling homesick and helpless?

Another thing is the cost. My parents will not be able to afford to send my siblings overseas to study if they send me, and that bothers me a lot. I feel guilty of robbing them of the opportunity. Maybe the money would be better used on them. When their time comes, they may really want to go overseas (unlike me now) but mum and dad won't be able to afford it, and it would be all because of me.

Why is following your heart so hard? I'm just filled with dread and fear right now. What a great birthday present sigh.

xx.

maybe I should be studying...

HI I'M BACK!!! I've been busy with school and work and my other blog.... and just basically trying to balance my friends, family and personal stuff. 

Uni has been quite kind to me so far, I've not been too stressed or overwhelmed (maybe I should be??? idek). Two of my midterms are over and I have 2 more to go!! So far my psych and english linguistics tests have been pretty easy... which is worrying cos the bell curve will be crazy :/ I'm so thankful that almost everything is MCQ though, I did minimal studying and still knew how to do most questions! (or so I think...)

I'm glad that I still meet up with my old friends, actually I feel like we meet up more now than when we were in JC! Except for Gen and Sulynn though :( I have not seen Gen since school started! I miss them quite a bit but I'm really happy that they are happy in their courses :)

Randomly inserting pictures of some of the more photogenic food I had recently haha

Saveur with Grace

GRUB with the turtles

My fave prawn aglio olio at Concetto with Xinhui

More random pictures

I've been doing so much shopping lately, maybe I'll do my first ever haul post soon hahaha

Ok ok, back to studying!! Bye!

xx.

Shenanigans (photo diary)

Bibigo x Wimbly Lu with the turtles

Terence and Jacinta's (and Claire's) farewell

*some place at Alexandra*

Wheelers Yard

Strangers' Reunion

TMI's last day at Tangs!

@ Revolutionary Coffee

#singaporenightfestival2014

Debbie's birthday!!! *confetti* *whipped cream*

xx.

double-helix

(I'm writing this post because I think it's really important to preserve memories and emotions, and not because I woke up too early #justsaying)

Finally got my helix pierced!!! I've really wanted to do it for a long time but my parents weren't (and probably still aren't :/) cool with it. But they're overseas for a few days and I was feeling super yolo so I went with Eugenia to Bedazzled after she slept over at my house (it's a long story) and got it done. I figure I can let down my hair and it won't be visible? Hee

It was really expensive! The policy at bedazzled is that we buy the earrings and the piercing is free so we shared a pair which was about $159. We ended up paying $84 each because we had to buy the after-care solution also.

On Sunday night, since my parents were not at home, I decided to follow Weiming to go have supper with the Lola's workers and I was super worried it would be awkward since I don't really know them that well but Eugenia came to 'save' me hahaha it's super lame cos she thought I was in danger or something because I apparently sent her a whatsapp message saying "I'm scared..." HAHAHAHA but I was just scared that it would be awkward. We ended up going to punggol end to chill (?) and play circle of death, but we used water instead of alcohol lolll. I reached home at 6am and Eug thought she forgot her keys so she crashed my place (wow I'm amazed at what happens when my parents aren't around, I wonder if my future children will be like this omg. Also, wow my summary skills are not bad haha).

We woke up at 1pm-ish and went to Holland V for coffee. Then we spent the rest of the day together. I think I'm gonna OD on Eugenia hahaha cos I'm working with her every day this week except Wednesday. I'm really quite glad that I got this job at OTT even though the pay kinda sucks, I've gotten to meet really great people like Eug and Kim <3

xx.

Angkor Wat Photo Journal

Our cameras couldn't do the place justice. It was beyond magical.

One of the filming sites for Lara Croft Tomb Raider

We were meant to be lions guarding the entrance

*Obligatory dancer photo*

Oh the advancement of technology

xx.