--19--

There is nothing special about 19th birthdays, not like 21st birthdays or Sweet 16s. But today (yesterday) I felt special and very blessed. To some people, birthdays are just another normal day, and maybe I will feel that way 10 years down the road. But for now I believe that they should be spent connecting with friends and family, and just anybody who makes you feel like you were lucky to have been born. 

Anyway the day started off pretty normally. I went to school for my South Asian studies lecture (which was a waste of time as usual zzz). Mum, dad and Matt left for Langkawi, which is good and bad in a way. I would't be able to celebrate my birthday with them, but I would get to stay out late (which is what I did haha). Then I went for my linguistics tutorial.......

......and I was greeted by Charis and Xinhui singing me happy birthday when I came out from the classroom hahahaha

Thanks guys, yall know my love for surprises hehe *hugs* *love*

After ballet, I headed to OTT cos Weiming told me to pop by. Charlotte and Eugenia came down which was really nice because I haven't worked with them in ages and I kinda missed them (just a little haha). We caught up on some OTT gossip and played Quizup and charades which was much more fun irl than how it sounds here HAHA.

They used trick candles and I was trying everything to blow them out!!! ft. Kai

But I still love them <3

Wow what a spastic face

<3 <3 <3

And a stop-motion video Leonard accidentally took hahaha (I converted it to a GIF)

This is so cute. I wanna do this with all my friends haha

By the time I left OTT it was about 11pm. Then I went to Holland V to meet Grace and Tiff. Grace didn't tell me Tiff was coming and I guess it was meant to be a surprise? But I suspected it haha. They got me a helium balloon!!! Yayyyyyy! Helium balloons and party hats can never go wrong! Then we went to Mu Parlour to eat desserts and just catch up. I was actually a little surprised and very touched that Tiff came because she's been so super busy with her ADM work that she hasn't had time to meet anyone outside NTU and she gets really little sleep.

So much love for these 2 girls <3 We've been through thick and thin together and they've always been there for me. I'm so so so so so so glad that we became friends 6 years ago!

Feeling fat cos I ate the waffle all by myself :/

Feat. cute balloon

Another year older and (hopefully) wiser, kinder, happier and more confident and loving

xx.

Everything has changed

So I just found this in my email inbox:

And the first thing that came to my mind was fuck. Sorry for the language. I know I should be happy. I know people who would die for this opportunity. But there was no surge of excitement or joy when I saw this, only an acute feeling of dread. Admittedly I was expecting it, but deep down I was hoping that I would never receive this email.

I have never really been sure of what I want to do in the future, but I know what I want right now. And that is to stay in Singapore and do psychology. I always thought that coming to FASS was just me going with the flow and I never imagined that I would come to have a passion for what I study. It's been a few months into school and I have discovered that I really enjoy it. I like what I'm studying and I find it interesting. I also really love the flexibility that FASS gives in allowing us to take modules outside our major and even outside the faculty. And unlike my JC days I'm not struggling. My midterm scores were above average and I'm not mugging like I did in JC. My biggest fear is being trapped taking subjects that I suck at just for practical reasons. 

I know physio is the practical choice. It will ensure that I can easily find a job in the future. It will give me flexibility (I can open a private practice and work whenever I feel like it). The pay is good. I will probably enjoy my job to an extent. That is what my mother has been telling me for the past year anyway. Over her dead body will she let me turn this offer down, and that's why I feel torn. I have no more energy to fight with her anymore. If there was no pressure from her it would be a load off my mind. I wish I could somehow convince her that having a regular or even low-paying job is not the end of the world, especially if I enjoy it.

And I don't think I am the kind of person who would enjoy being thrown in a foreign and unfamiliar country with no friends. My whole life is in Singapore. The places I love, the people I love. I just can't imagine leaving it behind. I'm tearing even as I type this, how will I cope when I'm alone in Australia feeling homesick and helpless?

Another thing is the cost. My parents will not be able to afford to send my siblings overseas to study if they send me, and that bothers me a lot. I feel guilty of robbing them of the opportunity. Maybe the money would be better used on them. When their time comes, they may really want to go overseas (unlike me now) but mum and dad won't be able to afford it, and it would be all because of me.

Why is following your heart so hard? I'm just filled with dread and fear right now. What a great birthday present sigh.

xx.

maybe I should be studying...

HI I'M BACK!!! I've been busy with school and work and my other blog.... and just basically trying to balance my friends, family and personal stuff. 

Uni has been quite kind to me so far, I've not been too stressed or overwhelmed (maybe I should be??? idek). Two of my midterms are over and I have 2 more to go!! So far my psych and english linguistics tests have been pretty easy... which is worrying cos the bell curve will be crazy :/ I'm so thankful that almost everything is MCQ though, I did minimal studying and still knew how to do most questions! (or so I think...)

I'm glad that I still meet up with my old friends, actually I feel like we meet up more now than when we were in JC! Except for Gen and Sulynn though :( I have not seen Gen since school started! I miss them quite a bit but I'm really happy that they are happy in their courses :)

Randomly inserting pictures of some of the more photogenic food I had recently haha

Saveur with Grace

GRUB with the turtles

My fave prawn aglio olio at Concetto with Xinhui

More random pictures

I've been doing so much shopping lately, maybe I'll do my first ever haul post soon hahaha

Ok ok, back to studying!! Bye!

xx.