November, please be kind

Some belated birthday celebrations!!

Tiff told me there was something wrong with Grace and that she didn't know what to do and asked me to meet up with her. I totally suspected something hahaha cos if there was really something wrong with Grace I'm sure Tiff would have called me or at least old me what was wrong over sms. So I met Tiff and she kept looking at her phone (another giveaway lolll). We walked out of the MRT station and suddenly Tiff looked at her phone and turned around and Grace was standing some distance away. And then they were like "Surprise!" It was so funny hahahaha! Then we went for dinner at Boston Seafood Shack and dessert at Blackball :) I really appreciate the effort put into everything, especially since we're all so busy now with school. <3

This is a very unglam photo taken after training haha

but thankful for my Viva buddies Sheryl and Sabrina!

They used pocky sticks as candles hahaha qts

Here's some other random stuff I did over the month

Did some third wheeling @ daily scoop with the sis and Paul

Halloween at OTT!!!

Zebra crossings? Prison inmates?

Finally tried Paris Baguette #overpriced

Last LSM1301 bio lab session! I'm sad :"( I love bio labbbb

Feat. Zifang, Susanti and Yuhanis

The turtles came to OTT to eat and give me a birthday cupcake and card! <3

New favourite place: Mustafa

Omg I was so amazed at the amount of stuff they sell there! (can you see the Singapore flag umbrella in the background whut) And everything is so cheap! :O

I have some movie suggestions!

And While We Were Here (trailer)

Different from my usual rom coms!

Upside Down (trailer)

Really amazing concept! But story development and acting was meh. 

In fact I think the trailer is better than the movie. (So just watch the trailer haha)

On a more depressing note, I told mum and dad about my decision to stay. Now that I think back on it, I should have picked a more opportune time to reveal it, but I think I was just sick and tired of changing the subject when they asked me about it. And thus our dinner was ruined. Haha actually their reaction was completely unsurprising. But somehow I still felt very disappointed because I was harbouring the small hope that mum would actually wish me to be happy first and foremost, instead of being successful career-wise. Thought she was an I'll-support-you-in-whatever-makes-you-happy kinda parent? NOPE. Instead she said that if I don't "ace it" at NUS, I'll have to pay my own school fees... (which I suppose is not too bad since the government subsidises so much. #letsbeoptimistic hahaha) Anyway throughout dinner mum just went on and on attacking my decision :(

I guess it was then that I realised that I can't take much more of these constant insults. Even though I've grown a great deal stronger and know not to take them to heart, I still think it has some unconscious impact on me. And so I can't wait to move out of the house and put all this negativity behind me. I'll do what I must (provide for them in old age etc.) but hopefully I won't have to deal with so much shit anymore. And God forbid I will be this kind of mother if I ever have kids.

Kbye, off to look for my spouse for house now hahaha

--19--

There is nothing special about 19th birthdays, not like 21st birthdays or Sweet 16s. But today (yesterday) I felt special and very blessed. To some people, birthdays are just another normal day, and maybe I will feel that way 10 years down the road. But for now I believe that they should be spent connecting with friends and family, and just anybody who makes you feel like you were lucky to have been born. 

Anyway the day started off pretty normally. I went to school for my South Asian studies lecture (which was a waste of time as usual zzz). Mum, dad and Matt left for Langkawi, which is good and bad in a way. I would't be able to celebrate my birthday with them, but I would get to stay out late (which is what I did haha). Then I went for my linguistics tutorial.......

......and I was greeted by Charis and Xinhui singing me happy birthday when I came out from the classroom hahahaha

Thanks guys, yall know my love for surprises hehe *hugs* *love*

After ballet, I headed to OTT cos Weiming told me to pop by. Charlotte and Eugenia came down which was really nice because I haven't worked with them in ages and I kinda missed them (just a little haha). We caught up on some OTT gossip and played Quizup and charades which was much more fun irl than how it sounds here HAHA.

They used trick candles and I was trying everything to blow them out!!! ft. Kai

But I still love them <3

Wow what a spastic face

<3 <3 <3

And a stop-motion video Leonard accidentally took hahaha (I converted it to a GIF)

This is so cute. I wanna do this with all my friends haha

By the time I left OTT it was about 11pm. Then I went to Holland V to meet Grace and Tiff. Grace didn't tell me Tiff was coming and I guess it was meant to be a surprise? But I suspected it haha. They got me a helium balloon!!! Yayyyyyy! Helium balloons and party hats can never go wrong! Then we went to Mu Parlour to eat desserts and just catch up. I was actually a little surprised and very touched that Tiff came because she's been so super busy with her ADM work that she hasn't had time to meet anyone outside NTU and she gets really little sleep.

So much love for these 2 girls <3 We've been through thick and thin together and they've always been there for me. I'm so so so so so so glad that we became friends 6 years ago!

Feeling fat cos I ate the waffle all by myself :/

Feat. cute balloon

Another year older and (hopefully) wiser, kinder, happier and more confident and loving

xx.

Everything has changed

So I just found this in my email inbox:

And the first thing that came to my mind was fuck. Sorry for the language. I know I should be happy. I know people who would die for this opportunity. But there was no surge of excitement or joy when I saw this, only an acute feeling of dread. Admittedly I was expecting it, but deep down I was hoping that I would never receive this email.

I have never really been sure of what I want to do in the future, but I know what I want right now. And that is to stay in Singapore and do psychology. I always thought that coming to FASS was just me going with the flow and I never imagined that I would come to have a passion for what I study. It's been a few months into school and I have discovered that I really enjoy it. I like what I'm studying and I find it interesting. I also really love the flexibility that FASS gives in allowing us to take modules outside our major and even outside the faculty. And unlike my JC days I'm not struggling. My midterm scores were above average and I'm not mugging like I did in JC. My biggest fear is being trapped taking subjects that I suck at just for practical reasons. 

I know physio is the practical choice. It will ensure that I can easily find a job in the future. It will give me flexibility (I can open a private practice and work whenever I feel like it). The pay is good. I will probably enjoy my job to an extent. That is what my mother has been telling me for the past year anyway. Over her dead body will she let me turn this offer down, and that's why I feel torn. I have no more energy to fight with her anymore. If there was no pressure from her it would be a load off my mind. I wish I could somehow convince her that having a regular or even low-paying job is not the end of the world, especially if I enjoy it.

And I don't think I am the kind of person who would enjoy being thrown in a foreign and unfamiliar country with no friends. My whole life is in Singapore. The places I love, the people I love. I just can't imagine leaving it behind. I'm tearing even as I type this, how will I cope when I'm alone in Australia feeling homesick and helpless?

Another thing is the cost. My parents will not be able to afford to send my siblings overseas to study if they send me, and that bothers me a lot. I feel guilty of robbing them of the opportunity. Maybe the money would be better used on them. When their time comes, they may really want to go overseas (unlike me now) but mum and dad won't be able to afford it, and it would be all because of me.

Why is following your heart so hard? I'm just filled with dread and fear right now. What a great birthday present sigh.

xx.

maybe I should be studying...

HI I'M BACK!!! I've been busy with school and work and my other blog.... and just basically trying to balance my friends, family and personal stuff. 

Uni has been quite kind to me so far, I've not been too stressed or overwhelmed (maybe I should be??? idek). Two of my midterms are over and I have 2 more to go!! So far my psych and english linguistics tests have been pretty easy... which is worrying cos the bell curve will be crazy :/ I'm so thankful that almost everything is MCQ though, I did minimal studying and still knew how to do most questions! (or so I think...)

I'm glad that I still meet up with my old friends, actually I feel like we meet up more now than when we were in JC! Except for Gen and Sulynn though :( I have not seen Gen since school started! I miss them quite a bit but I'm really happy that they are happy in their courses :)

Randomly inserting pictures of some of the more photogenic food I had recently haha

Saveur with Grace

GRUB with the turtles

My fave prawn aglio olio at Concetto with Xinhui

More random pictures

I've been doing so much shopping lately, maybe I'll do my first ever haul post soon hahaha

Ok ok, back to studying!! Bye!

xx.

Shenanigans (photo diary)

Bibigo x Wimbly Lu with the turtles

Terence and Jacinta's (and Claire's) farewell

*some place at Alexandra*

Wheelers Yard

Strangers' Reunion

TMI's last day at Tangs!

@ Revolutionary Coffee

#singaporenightfestival2014

Debbie's birthday!!! *confetti* *whipped cream*

xx.

double-helix

(I'm writing this post because I think it's really important to preserve memories and emotions, and not because I woke up too early #justsaying)

Finally got my helix pierced!!! I've really wanted to do it for a long time but my parents weren't (and probably still aren't :/) cool with it. But they're overseas for a few days and I was feeling super yolo so I went with Eugenia to Bedazzled after she slept over at my house (it's a long story) and got it done. I figure I can let down my hair and it won't be visible? Hee

It was really expensive! The policy at bedazzled is that we buy the earrings and the piercing is free so we shared a pair which was about $159. We ended up paying $84 each because we had to buy the after-care solution also.

On Sunday night, since my parents were not at home, I decided to follow Weiming to go have supper with the Lola's workers and I was super worried it would be awkward since I don't really know them that well but Eugenia came to 'save' me hahaha it's super lame cos she thought I was in danger or something because I apparently sent her a whatsapp message saying "I'm scared..." HAHAHAHA but I was just scared that it would be awkward. We ended up going to punggol end to chill (?) and play circle of death, but we used water instead of alcohol lolll. I reached home at 6am and Eug thought she forgot her keys so she crashed my place (wow I'm amazed at what happens when my parents aren't around, I wonder if my future children will be like this omg. Also, wow my summary skills are not bad haha).

We woke up at 1pm-ish and went to Holland V for coffee. Then we spent the rest of the day together. I think I'm gonna OD on Eugenia hahaha cos I'm working with her every day this week except Wednesday. I'm really quite glad that I got this job at OTT even though the pay kinda sucks, I've gotten to meet really great people like Eug and Kim <3

xx.